“The half-assed Method”


Tyler R. Martin


Simplify your life,
Do everything in halves.
Cut potatoes in half
Then cut the halves in halves
Then cut those halves in halves as well.
Eat half your steak now, half later.
Put only a half hearted effort into grammar.
Smoke half a cigarette time,
They last longer that way.
When you’re fucking, stop about halfway through;
Sure, she’ll get mad,
But the second half, about an hour later,
Will blow her mind.
When going somewhere,
Drive about half way, then stop for a piss;
Who fucking cares if you’re late for work.
Try to limit yourself to one half bottle
Of red wine per night.
Boring conversation?
Walk away about half way through.
Only roll your car window down
Half way when smoking,
Stays warmer that way.
Life’s easier in halves,
Hell, I’m even gonna stop writing this poem
Half way through….

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