“Calculations”

Tyler R. Martin

You piss a few times a day,
Each smoke takes about five minutes,
Eight hours a day, five days a week,
You toil to pay your mortgage.
About an hour a day
On the freeway.
TV commercials eat up
At least two.
Seven hours out of every twenty four
You’re sleeping, if you’re lucky.
On good days, about forty five minutes
Of your girl bitching at you.
About a year total
Sick in bed,
Double that for hangovers.
Double that one for days of complete misery.
About a month a year changing diapers,
Then that time’s spent bitching
At your kids when they grow up.
Three years total waiting in doctors offices,
Five years waiting on lines:
Grocery stores, fast food, football games.
At least five minutes a day
Drinking tap water.
Then, once you’ve survived all that,
Heart attack
And you’re dead for eternity